When he addresses the parade day crowd, Allan, Trump will likely share the personal “war” story he told to Howard Stern when asked how he avoided contracting STDs from the women he was sleeping with while suffering from boner spurs.

“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider.”

Trump’s parade will feature soldiers in period costumes; so he he should have to wear the uniform he wore at the time: Tighty Whities. Well, his may not be so “tighty”: