As you and I discussed, Steven, I have a good plan for “watching” the Trump / Daniels Sex Tape without having my eyeballs explode, and I will still be able to experience feelings of lust, which will lead to and conclude in a sex act (partner optional). Without providing specifics, my company is happy to provide the recipe to perverts who are willing to pay for this premium movie service (DVD or streaming). For an additional fee — well in excess of our costs, we also offer a guaranteed, get-rich-quick scheme including University degree (hard-sell not optional).

Besides a blind fold and ear plugs, the basic ingredients of the plan include one unscrupulous lawyer, LLC formation guidance from LegalZoom, a magazine, an alias acceptable for use in formal business circles or porn videos, an equity credit line (consumer must provide and sign-over their own property), a non-disclosure agreement, and a Stepford wife to stand-in for a gullible/wronged spouse.

For those who prefer a much less complicated solution — fewer moving parts but, admitedly, much more expensive, we also offer our patented neuralyzer (as seen in the Men in Black franchise), which emits a bright flash that erases one’s memory of the recent hours, days, weeks, months or years, depending on the chosen setting. By the way, I still need you to provide a street address because we cannot ship your neuralyzer to the P.O Box you provided.

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Engaged citizen, poet, musician, humorist, family man. I value irreverence, soulfulness, and a big heart. Offering insight, introspection, shock & aw shucks!

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